It was the first day of basketball practice at Wingate high school in Brooklyn, N.Y. Coach Jim Johnson handed a ball to each player. “Fellas,” he said, “I want you to practice shooting from the spots you might expect to be in during the game.”
Little Moishe Goldberg immediately sat down on the bench and began arcing the ball toward the basket.
“Good morning ma’am. How may I help you?”
“I’m looking for a tie that will really make my husband’s blue eyes pop,” said the lady.
“Ma’am,” replied Chaim Yankel, “Any tie will make your husband’s eyes pop if you tie it tight enough!”
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody was ever successful.
One day, a scrawny rabbi came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a suit, and a black hat and said in a squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little rabbi.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the rabbi clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little rabbi, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?”
The rabbi replied “I’m the principal of a Jewish day school.”