Three sons of a Yiddishe Mama left their homeland, went abroad and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their ageing mother:
Avraham, the first son, said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
Moishe, the second, said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
David, the youngest, said, “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible? Now she can’t see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the whole Bible—Mama just has to name the chapter and verse.”
Soon thereafter, a letter of thanks came from their mother:
“Avraham,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Moishe,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver has shpilkas—he’s a pain in the tuchas. But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”
Goldstein had been going to the same restaurant for 10 years. Every day he starts with the same thing, barley soup. One day, as soon as he comes in, the waiter brings the soup over to his table.
“I want you to taste the soup,” Goldstein says as the waiter starts to walk away.
“What’s the matter?” the waiter asks, “Every day you take the same barley soup.”
“I want you to taste the soup,” Goldstein repeats.
“You don’t want the barley soup?” the waiter says, “I’ll bring you something else.”
“I want you to taste the soup,” Goldstein says once more.
“Is it too cold? Too salty? G-d forbid is there a fly in it? What’s wrong with it?” said the waiter.
“Just taste the soup,” insists Goldstein.
“Okay, okay, I’ll taste the soup,” says the waiter, wearily. “Where’s the spoon?”
Two Jewish women were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser. The first lady says, “So nu, how’s your family?”
The second one responds, “Oh just fine. My daughter is married to the most wonderful man. She never has to cook; he always takes her out. She never has to clean; he got her a housekeeper. She never has to work; he’s got such a good job. She never has to worry about the children, he got her a nanny.”
She continues with a question to the first lady, “So how is your son these days?”
The first woman says, “Just awful. He is married to such a witch of a woman. She makes him take her out to dinner every night, she never cooks a dish. She made him get her a housekeeper, G-d forbid she should vacuum a carpet! He has to work like a dog because she won’t get a job and she never takes care of their children, because she made him get her a nanny!”