A Jewish American is in Tokyo, Japan on business. He is riding around the Ginza in a taxi when he suddenly realizes it’s Friday night.
He asks the cab driver if there’s a Jewish synagogue in Tokyo and the driver takes him to an unmarked building. The American enters and is surprised to find a Japanese-Jewish congregation with a Japanese-Jewish rabbi.
They are all wearing yarmukas (skull caps) and talaysim (prayer shawls). He participates in the service which is in Hebrew — the international Jewish language for prayer. At the end of the service, the rabbi walks up the aisle and spots the American. He approaches and says with his thick Japanese accent, “You … Jewish?”
The American replies, “Why yes I am”.
The rabbi looks at the American and says, “Funny… you no looka Jewish”.
In a small and wealthy area there lived a Catholic Priest, a Protestant Minister and a Rabbi. They lived as neighbors and had a friendly rivalry between each other. One not to be outdone by the other, they would compare the size of their congregation, their houses, their wealth — anything.
One day the Rabbi bought a new Jaguar, so the others also bought new cars, one fancier than the next.
The Priest was so proud of his new Mercedes that he put it on a bit of a public display, scooped some up holy water and actually baptized the car for all to see. The minister, not to be outdone, hired a crane and dipped his car into a pool in a full baptism ceremony.
Ever the competitive clergyman, the Rabbi took his car and cut off a small piece of the exhaust pipe.
Sadie is having terrible headaches that just won’t go away so she goes to her rabbi to see if there’s anything he can do. She whines, and cries and talks for hours not only about her headache, but about her terrible living conditions as well.
All of the sudden, Sadie shouts, overjoyed, “Rabbi, I think your holy presence has cured me! The headache is completely gone!
To which the rabbi responds, “No, no Sadie, it’s not gone. I have it now.”