A rabbi was giving his first sermon at the inauguration of the new shul. The sanctuary had wonderful new stained glass windows, so he wanted to craft his sermon to highlight the new windows, and also talk about how the new shul should serve as an important place to educate the children of the community. The rabbi’s message centered on how each child is like a canvas, a picture, just like each pane of stained glass.
And then he said, “You see each one of you is a little pane.” And then pointing to each child, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…”
Well, it only took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.
***
Rabbi Goldstein and two of his congregants. Dr. Jacobson and Mr. Rosenberg, went out one morning to play a round of golf. Unfortunately, the three men were waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Mr. Rosenberg: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor Jacobson: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such terrible golfers!
Rabbi Goldstein: Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. (To the groundskeeper) Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?
George: Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Rabbi Goldstein: That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor Jacobson: Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.
Mr. Rosenberg: Why can’t these guys play at night?
One night Mrs. Eisenberg stumbled into her local Brooklyn police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
“Did you get hit by the same person?” his captain asked.
“No,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.”