Jewlarious Jokes 8/12/2022

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar,” he replies.

“A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man replies, “and G-d will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies. “G-d will provide for us.”

“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support the children?”

“Don’t worry, sir. G-d will provide,” replies the fiance.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that G-d will provide.

Later that evening the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”

The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m G-d.”


Rachel did a lot of travelling for her business, so she flew often. Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Siddur along so she could read the traveller’s prayer. It helped her relax.

One time, she was sitting next to a sceptical man. When he saw her pull out her Siddur, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there?”

Rachel replied, “Of course!”

He said, “Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?”

“Oh, Yonah,” responded Rachel.

“Yes, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?”

Rachel, “Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get to Heaven, I will ask him.”

“Well what if he isn’t there?” the man asked sarcastically.

“Then you can ask him,” replied Rachel.


Mr Steen was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by the doctor who was waiting by his bed.

“You’re going to be just fine, Mr Steen,” the doctor said.

The doctor was joined by a nurse who said, “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

Mr Steen said, “No, I’m not,” in a whisper.

“Then can you pay in cash?” the nurse persisted.

“I’m afraid I cannot.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nurse questioned sternly.

“Just my sister in New York,” he volunteered. “But she converted to.. she’s a nun… in fact a real spinster.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr Steen. Nuns are not spinsters—they are married to G-d.”

“Wonderful, wonderful,” Mr Steen. “In that case, please send my bill to my brother-in-law.”