Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A Russian military officer is out for a ride and comes to a shtetl. He sees a barn. One side is covered with targets. In the center of each target is one bullet hole. Never in his life has he seen such perfect marksmanship. He notices an old Jewish man weeding a vegetable patch nearby. “I am the best marksmen I have every met and get first prize in each contest I enter. But this is the best I have ever seen. Who is the marksman?” “The old man shyly says that he fired all the bullets. “But how could you be so accurate?” The old Jew says, “First I fired the bullets, then I painted the targets.”
***
It’s 10pm when the phone rings in Dr. Stein’s house. “It’s Dr. Gold,” says his wife, passing him the phone, “I do hope it’s not another emergency.”
Dr. Stein takes the phone and says, “Hi, what’s up?”
“Don’t worry, everything’s OK,” replies Dr. Gold. “It’s just that I’m at home with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Kosiner. We’re having a little game of poker and we’re short of one hand so we thought you might like to come over and join us?”
“Sure …. yes, of course,” replies Dr. Stein, putting on a serious voice, “I’m leaving right now.” And he puts down the phone.
“What’s happened?” his wife asks, with a worried look.
“It’s very serious,” Dr. Stein replies. “They’ve already called three doctors.”
***
Someone stole Marvin’s coat at a restaurant.
He asked the waiter, “Did you see the guy who took my coat?”
“Yes, Sir,” he replied.
“What did he look like?”
“Ridiculous,” the waiter stated. “The sleeves were far too short.”