Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A rabbi is harboring a secret — he has always wanted to try pork. One night he drives across town to the furthest restaurant from his shul and orders an entire suckling pig. Just as the waiter sets down the full roast pig with an apple in its mouth, he sees a group of his congregants has walked in and is watching him, mouths open. The rabbi widens his eyes, “So nu, what kind of place is this?” he says. “You order an apple and look how it’s served!”
***
A Jewish grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. They’re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. “Oh God, please bring him back! Please let him live!” Suddenly, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scoops him up into a hug. Then he stares up at the sky and says, “He had a hat.”
***
A yeshiva decides to start a crew team. But no matter how much they practice, they lose every single race. Eventually they decide to send one boy down to the nearby prep school as a spy, to watch their winning crew team and find out what their secret is. After a day of reconnaissance, the boy comes back. “Listen!” he tells his teammates. “I learned how they do it — they have eight guys rowing, and only one guy screaming!”