Jewlarious Jokes 6/9/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office and emerged within half an hour walking completely erect, with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”
She answered, “Miracle, shmiracle. . . he gave me a longer cane.” 
Herman goes out to do some chores. His wife Mindy is watching TV and sees a story about someone on I-95 going in the wrong direction. She calls Herman and says,” Herman, be very careful. I saw on the news that someone on I-95 is going in the wrong direction.”
Herman says, “Someone? Everyone is.” 
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly Jewish ladies, eyes wide and white as ghosts. Sylvia, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… 22 MPH!” Sylvia says proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, she grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
The officer said, “But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer says.
Sylvia replied, “Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”