Jewlarious Jokes 6/3/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A Texan is visiting Israel and is on a small ranch. The Israeli rancher is showing the Texan around on his tractor and drives from one end of the ranch to the other in about five hours. The Texan looks at the Israeli and says, “That’s it? Five hours? Why, back on my ranch in Texas I could get on my tractor and drive sunrise to sunset and still not cross my entire ranch.” The Israeli replies, “Once, I had a tractor like that.”
Esther and Rachel were best friends since they were children. And every week they would have lunch together. This practice continued for decades and they are now getting on in years.
At the most recent lunch, in the middle of the meal, Rachel says to Esther, “Now, I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you to take offense.
“Well, what is it already?”
“You see,” says Rachel, we have known each other for so long and I don’t want you to get angry”.
“Spit it out! I can take it.”
“Well, the problem is…that I have forgotten your name”.
Esther was stupefied at first. She hardly knew how to respond. She blushed. And then she finally said, “These things happen, my dear friend. Don’t worry about it. Just one thing, though. As soon as you remember my name, be sure to let me know what it is.” 
Jewish mother Ruth Platzenfeld looks down over her balcony and sees her son Herschel playing football on the lawn.
“Herschel,” she shouts down at him, “Herschel dahlink, please come inside at once.”
Herschel looks up at her and says, “Why mommy? Am I cold again?”
“No Herschel, you’re not cold,” replies Ruth, “you want to eat.”