A new flood is foretold by the world’s weather specialists and they say that nothing can be done about it. In three days, the waters will wipe out the world.
The Dalai Lama appears on television and pleads with everybody to turn to Buddhism. That way, they will at least reach enlightenment.
The Pope goes on television and says that the world must accept Christianity in order to attain salvation.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel takes a slightly different approach: “We all have three days to learn how to live under water.”
A local Aliyah ambassador from the Israeli government was noticing that the response to his usual “pitch” about moving to Israel was having limited effect so he decided to change tactics.
“Instead of talking about Israel today, I am going to talk about nutrition and health.” Said the Aliyah representative. “Here is a summary of the latest medical findings:
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
My conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Move to Israel and learn to speak Hebrew. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.”
It happened, somewhere off in the future that a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a man-making contest.”
To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!”
But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”