To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is visiting her, with his wife for the first time.
“You come to the front door of the apartment.
I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Bubbe, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“What . . . .. … You coming empty-handed?”
A big-time real estate developer from America is visiting Israel. As his Israeli host is taking him around, the Israeli points to a new 20-story apartment complex. “That building took our people less than two years to complete!”
“Ha!” the American sneers. “In the USA, a complex like that would go up in 6 months!”
Later in the afternoon, they come to a brand new power plant. Hoping not to be outdone by his guest this time, the Israeli says, “This new power station took us less than three months to construct!”
The American laughs again. “Buddy, a facility like that back home would take us a week – two weeks tops – to put up!”
At nightfall, they pass a beautiful new tower in the Diamond Center, ablaze with lights – one of the most modern and impressive buildings in all of Israel. “What’s that building there across the street?” asks the American.
The Israeli casually shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know… All I can say is that it wasn’t there this morning.”
A man walks into a Jewish deli and orders a bowl of matzo ball soup. The waiter comes right back with a large bowl of soup, places it in front of the man, and walks away.
The man catches the waiter’s eye and calls: “Waiter, come here.”
The waiter rushes right up to the man’s elbow and the man tells him: “Waiter, taste the soup.”
The waiter quickly says: “It’s not hot enough? Here, let me take it back and I’ll bring you a hotter soup.”
The man insistently says: “Waiter, taste the soup.”
And the waiter says: “Is it too salty? I’ll take it right back to the kitchen and get you a better bowl of soup.”
Again, the man says, with a little edge in his voice: “Waiter, TASTE the SOUP.”
This time, the waiter, gives in and says: “All right. O.K., I’ll taste the soup, let’s see… .” and he steps closer to lean over the table.
As the waiter reaches for the silverware, he says: “Hey, you don’t have a spoon.”
At which point, the man looks up at the waiter, and with a gleam in his eye, he wiggles his index finger upwards and says: “AHA… !”