Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
One day, Joshua the scientist announces to his colleagues, “I don’t think we need God anymore. Science has finally discovered how to create life out of nothing. We can now do what God did ‘in the beginning’.”
As everyone starts to shake Joshua’s hand, the voice of God is clearly heard.
“Oh, is that so, Joshua?” says God. “Please do tell me all about creating life.”
“Blessed art thou O Lord,” says Joshua. “I can take soil and form it into the likeness of You, and then breathe life into it creating man.”
“Well Joshua, that’s very interesting,” says God. “Show me how it’s done.”
So Joshua and his colleagues go outside. Joshua then bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
“Oh no, Joshua,” interrupts God, “please use your own soil.”
***
A nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn wants to be an actor, much to his Mother’s chagrin. He heads out to LA and after years of auditions and waiting tables, he lands an acting gig.
He calls up his mother and tells her he’s gotten a great part in a movie. She asks him what the part is and he tells her he’s going to play the role of a Jewish husband.
Her response:
“Oy vei, you couldn’t get a speaking part?”
***
A young Jewish Frenchman brought his trousers to a tailor to have them altered. But by the next day, France was occupied and it was too dangerous for Jews to appear in public. He hid underground. Soon enough he got involved in the Resistance.
He eventually found his way to a boat and managed to escape the death camps of Europe. He settled in Israel. Ten years later he returned to France. While dressing, he reached into his jacket pocket and found the tailor’s receipt for his trousers. He went to look for the tailor’s shop and, amazingly, it was still there. He handed the tailor the receipt and asked, ‘Are my trousers here?’ ‘Yes, of course,’ said the tailor. ‘Be ready next Tuesday.’