Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
Three Jewish Mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offsprings. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Judy,” said Mrs. Levine with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.”
“That’s nothing compared to what my Lois does for me,” declared Mrs. Stein proudly. “Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house.” Mrs. Lipkin sat back with a proud smile. “Nobody loves her mother like my Patty does, nobody.” So what does she do?” asked the two women, turning to her.
“Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour—just to talk about me.”
***
Mrs. Goldberg went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor’s room.
“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
“Does she still have the hiccups?”
***
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunchtime and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a dollar, but never take a pretzel.
This offering went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his dollar as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him for the first time in over 3 years. Without blinking an eye she said: “They’re a dollar and a quarter now”