Jewlarious Jokes 4/8/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
Dr. Cohen a famous Jewish heart surgeon heads down to his Harley Davidson dealership to pick up his new Harley Davidson that has just been serviced. As he arrives he checks into the service department to see if his new bike is ready. Being a famous surgeon one of the technicians runs up to him and says “I know who you are, Doc I want to ask you a question. How come I work 8 hour days on motorcycles, I tear down the engines the heart of the motorcycle, I redo the valves put in the new pistons clean out the lines and make that engine like brand new just like a doctor. It’s a specialty work that I have learned all my life but I only get 30 bucks an hour and I don’t think it’s fair that you get 50 grand for a heart operation? My work is just as intricate and tough to do as yours!”
Dr Cohen pauses in thought for a moment looks the technician in the face and says, “you have a valid point, I have a question for you: can you do your operation with the motor running..?” 
An older man was arrested for shoplifting at a local grocery store.
He gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took him away.
He complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When He appeared before the judge, the judge asked him what he had stolen from the store.
The man defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches you old fool.”
The judge then asked why he had done it.
He replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
He replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently, “Well sir, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the man’s wife raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, “Yes ma’am, what do you have to add?”
The wife said meekly, “Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.” 
Sammy was an award-winning aircraft designer with a company that built prototypes and hired a test pilot. One day, the Israeli government contacted Sammy. They wanted him to design a new jet fighter and then build a prototype and have it tested in the most rigorous manner. They gave him a list of specifications and a very lucrative contract conditioned on the successful completion of the project. Sammy got right to work with the design, the prototype was built, and the test pilot taxied the fighter to the runway.
The pilot took off and put the new fighter through its paces. The final test was to climb to a specified altitude and then put the fighter into a steep dive. In the middle of the dive, the fighter’s wings sheared off. The test pilot ejected safely, but the prototype crashed — a multi-million dollar loss.
Sammy was saddened, but undeterred. He had the factory build another prototype, this time with much more reinforcement where the wings attach to the fuselage. The test pilot took the plane up once more, and once more the same thing happened. The wings ripped off, the test pilot ejected safely, but the prototype crashed.
Sammy was at his wit’s end. Where could he turn? He went to his rabbi, not so much for advice, but for consolation. His rabbi consoled him, but then, unexpectedly, offered this advice:
“Sammy, build another prototype, and this time drill a series of evenly-spaced holes above and below where each wing attaches to the fuselage.”
“But Rabbi, wouldn’t that weaken the wings?”
“Just do it.”
Sammy was incredulous, but he wanted to succeed in this project, so he had the prototype built. The test pilot put the prototype through its paces, climbed up, and put the plane into a steep dive. The wings held! The pilot pulled out of the dive and landed safely.
Sammy was thrilled. He went back to the rabbi and told him what happened.
“But, Rabbi, how did you know?”
“Sammy, I’m an old man. I’ve been making Pesach for many years. And in all that time, not once — NOT ONCE — has the matzoh broken on the perforations!”