To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A man walks into a deli on the lower east side of New York City and asks the owner, “Do you have pickles?”
“Do I have pickles?! Right here I have sour, half-sour, and oversize. Step over here for the gherkins. This barrel is full of bread & butter pickles. That one’s got brine pickles. Those three barrels are all classic dill. That vat holds the sweet dill. And those shelves are for Hungarian, German and Polish pickles.”
“Wow! You must sell a lot of pickles!”
“Well, to be honest, not so many. But the guy I buy from? Boy, can he sell pickles!”
A rabbi dies and finds himself waiting in line to enter Heaven. The guy ahead of him has a shaved head, gold chains, a leather jacket, and shades.
The angel Gabriel asks the bald guy, “Name and occupation?”
“Rafi Eskenazy, taxi driver.”
Gabriel checks his list and grins, “Shalom aleichem! Silk robe, gold staff. Welcome to Heaven!”
Next comes the rabbi.
“Name and occupation?”
The rabbi draws himself up with great dignity and says, “Avraham Baruch Cohen, Senior Rabbi of Beth Jacob Synagogue for 37 years.”
Gabriel checks his list and nods, “Yup. Cotton robe, wooden staff. Keep it moving please.”
“Hold it,” says Rabbi Cohen, “the man before me was a taxi driver. Why does he get special attention?”
“Up here, it’s all about results,” says Gabriel. “When you sermonized, people slept. When he drove, people prayed.”
Isaac is anxiously waiting for a call from his doctor. The phone rings. Isaac answers and it’s the doctor. The doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news.” Isaac says, “well tell me the good news first.” The doctor says “the good news is that you only have three days to live.” Isaac yells “that’s the good news?! then what’s the bad news?” The doctor says, “I found out yesterday.”