Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
A Jewish couple in London won fifty million pounds in the lottery. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They decided to hire a butler and they found the perfect butler through an exclusive agency. He was very proper and very British, and they brought him back to their home. The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set the dining table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens to dinner. The couple then left the house for the afternoon to do some shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for six. Perplexed, they asked the butler why it was set for six when they had expressly asked him to set it for four.
The butler replied, “The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes.”
***
A nice Jewish woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts “Is there a doctor here?”
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: “I am. What is the problem?”
She replies: “Do you want to meet my daughter?”
***
Sheldon walked into a new Jewish bakery and smelled the fine smell of challah baking and couldn’t resist and had to have one. He brought it up to the cash register.
“Ninety-five dollars,” said the attendant.
“Ninety-five dollars!” Sheldon replied, flabbergasted. “How can that be?”
“Five dollars goes for the challah and ninety dollars goes to support Israel,” the attendant replied.
Not wanting to look like he didn’t support Israel and desperate to try the challah, Sheldon agreed.
The next week Sheldon was passing the bakery again and couldn’t help himself and came in. He saw a babka that looked particularly appealing and the challah had been so good, he took it up to the cash register.
“Two hundred and twenty-five dollars,” said the attendant.
“Two hundred and twenty-five dollars?!” Sheldon replied. “You must be joking!”
“Five dollars for the babka and two hundred and twenty goes to Israel.”
“But I just want the babka,” Sheldon replied. “If I want to give money to Israel, that should be my choice.”
“If you don’t want to support Israel, we don’t want your business,” replied the attendant.
Sheldon was in a jam, he of course did support Israel…and he really wanted that babka…so he paid the money. And it was worth it.
The next week Sheldon was walking by the bakery again, and while he should have known better, he walked in, and this time his eyes locked in on the most delicious-looking rugelach he had ever seen. He ordered a dozen and went to the cash register.
“Four hundred and fifty dollars,” said the attendant.
“What?!”
“Five dollars for the rugelach and four hundred and forty-five dollars for Israel,” replied the attendant. “Listen to what you are saying!” said Sheldon. “It doesn’t make any sense. How do you even stay in business?”
“That’s the way we do things. If you don’t like it, you can leave,” said the attendant.
“I want to talk to the manager. This is outrageous” said Sheldon.
“Have it your way,” said the attendant. “Israel, this guy here wants to talk to you!”