Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
Rachel and Esther meet for the first time in fifty years, since high school.
Rachel begins to kvell about her children. “My son is a doctor and he’s got four marvelous kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about you?”
Esther sighs, “Oy. Unfortunately, Morty and I don’t have children, so we have no grandchildren either.”
Rachel exclaims, “No children?! And no grandkids?! So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?”
***
Chaim Yankel goes back to his favorite antique shop. After a number of visits, and much discussion with the store owner, he’s finally decided to buy the lovely 19th-century silver kiddush cup he’s had his eye on. As soon as he enters the shop, he goes over to Moishe, the shop’s owner.
“OK,” he says to Moishe, “I’ve decided to buy the kiddush cup. “
“Are you sure this time?” asks Moishe. “Because you’ve only come in twelve times about this one Kiddush cup.”
“I’m sure,” responds Chaim Yankel. “Here’s the $300 to prove it.”
“I’m sorry,” says Moishe, “but this lovely, exquisite kiddush cup is now $350.”
“I don’t believe it,” says Chaim Yankel. “How can that be? I remember the price tag said $300.”
“Well,” replies Moishe, “The cost of labor has risen dramatically.”
“What do you mean?” asks Chaim Yankel. “You are the only person who works in this store.”
“Exactly,” replies Moishe. “And dealing with you has been very labor-intensive!”
***
Rachael Finkelstein wanted to purchase something special for Yitzi, her only son’s birthday. So, she went to a men’s clothing shop and found a beautiful red tie and a gorgeous blue tie. They were both made of silk and had the markings of superior craftsmanship. She bought the both of them, and gifted her lucky son with the two ties. Yitzi was delighted to receive two beautiful, elegant ties.
The next Shabbos, Yitzi visited his mother for Shabbos dinner. When he arrived at her house, Rachael answered the door and seeing Yitzi perfectly dressed with his new red tie, she gasped, and then she swooned a little. “What’s wrong?” queried Yitzi. Recovering from her swoon, Rachael responded. “I knew you wouldn’t like the blue one.”