To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Leon was thinking his wife Betty was losing her hearing. So he walked about 20’ behind her and asked “can you hear me darling”? No reply. He went to 10’ and inquired again. No reply. 5’ and not a word. A few inches behind her ear he asked “can you hear me darling”? Betty turned round and said for the fourth time yes.”
An American, an Englishman and an Israeli are indulging in a bit of boasting.
The American says, “One of my ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence.”
The Englishman says, “That’s nothing. One of my ancestors was present at the signing of the Magna Carta.”
The Israeli quietly says, “You think that’s something? One of my ancestors drew up the Ten Commandments.”
Berel was a poor and pious Jew who’s only dream was to go to Israel. After years of saving, he realized that his bank account had exactly the right amount for the trip.
He withdrew the money, and went to a travel agent to book his trip. When he got there, the travel agent realized that the price had gone up by $5. Berel pleaded with him to give him a $5 discount, as this was his entire life savings. But the travel agent wouldn’t budge. Distraught, Berel walked outside the travel agency, sat down on the street and began to cry.
Next door to the travel agency was a bar, shortly after Berel sat down, a slightly inebriated fellow walked out of the bar and noticed him crying. “Hey there Jewish feller, why are you so sad?”
“Vay is mir”, said Berel,” it’s been my lifelong dream to go to Israel, but I can’t go unless I come up with a lousy $5!”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” said the drunk as he opened his wallet, “here’s a $20, why don’t you go to Israel and take 3 friends with you!”