Jewlarious Jokes 12/9/2022

Yeshiva University decided to field a crew team. Unfortunately, they lost race after race. They practiced for hours every day, but never managed to come in any better than dead last..

The Rosh Yeshiva finally decided to send Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. So Yankel shlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the bullrushes off the Charles River, from where he carefully watched the Harvard team as they practiced.

Yankel finally returned to Yeshiva. “I have figured out their secret,” he announced.

“They have eight guys rowing and only one guy shouting.”


One afternoon little Shmuli Horowitz who lived in the northern most region of Canada was sitting with his father in the snow. Shmuli turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I really Canadian?”

The father replied: “Of course, Shmuli, you’re 100 per cent Canadian.”

A few minutes later, the Shmuli turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I really 100 per cent Canadian?”

The father answered: “Son, I’m 100 per cent Canadian, your mother is 100 per cent Canadian, so you are definitely 100 per cent Canadian.”

Shmuli seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father once more and said: “Dad, don’t think you’re sparing my feelings. I’ve got to know. Am I 100 per cent Canadian?”

The father was becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you’re 100 per cent Canadian?”

Shmuli said: “Because I’m freezing!”


An observant Jew who lived on Park Avenue, built a Sukkah on his balcony.

Some of his ‘high society’ non-Jewish neighbors brought him to court. They claimed that the Sukkah on his balcony was an eyesore and was having a negative impact on the value of their homes in this posh neighborhood.

In court, the Jewish man was very worried about the outcome. It was the eve of the eight day holiday, leaving him no time to make alternative arrangements, in case the judge ordered him to take down the Sukkah.

He prayed for help. And Hashem listened.

Judge Ginsburg, who was Jewish himself, had a reputation of being a very wise man. After hearing both sides, he turned around to the observant Jew and scolded him: “Don’t you realize that you live on Park Avenue, and not in Brooklyn? There is a certain decorum which is expected on Park Avenue. You have no right to be putting up a primitive hut on this lovely street without a building permit authorizing it. I hereby rule that either you remove the hut, or I will fine you one thousand dollars.

“You have exactly eight days to do so! Next case!”