Jewlarious Jokes:
To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A woman and her young son are riding on a bus in Tel Aviv. The boy says something in Hebrew and his mother admonishes him: “Speak Yiddish.” A few minutes later, the boy says something in Hebrew, again, and, again the mother scolds him: “Speak Yiddish!” A little later, the boy says something in Hebrew, again, and this time the mother shouts: “Speak Yiddish!” Finally, a man in the next seat says, ”Excuse me, ma’am. Why do you insist your son speak Yiddish instead of Hebrew?”
“I don’t want him to forget that he’s Jewish.”
***
Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had a waiting
room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half,
shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into
the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking
completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little
old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now
you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”
She answered, “Miracle, shmiracle . . . he gave me a longer cane.”
**
A teacher asks the children of her class:
“So who can tell me what a miracle is?”
A little Jewish girl raises her hand and the teacher gives her the floor.
“A miracle is when God opened the Red Sea to let His people pass.”
The teacher is very skeptical …. “Uh, …. well no, not really. According to scientists, the Israelites may have found a passage that allowed them to cross the sea, but, it is estimated that there must have been no more than twenty centimeters of water ……. So who can give me an example of a real miracle ??? ”
The same little girl raises her hand again.
The teacher gives her the floor again ….
“… So, in this case, a ‘real’ miracle is that Pharaoh and his whole army managed to drown themselves in twenty centimeters of water … ,,