David receives a parrot for his Bar Mitzvah. This parrot had one bad attitude and worse vocabulary. David tries to teach him manners, but the bird just gets ruder and cruder. Desperate, David puts him in the freezer to cool off. He hears squawking, then quiet. Frightened, David quickly opens the freezer.
The parrot calmly walks out and says: “I’m sorry I offended you, Master David. I shall go to synagogue, pray, and modify my behavior.” Before David can ask about this astounding change, the parrot continues: “Sir … may I ask what the Empire chicken did?
***
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…”
***
Sadly Hymie Gershowitz passed away at the age of 88 years old, and in that time he amassed a small fortune which was to be distributed among his loved ones. The family all gathered around at the will reading and the executor started
“To my beloved wife, I leave my mansion and £10million”
“To each of my 5 beloved children, I leave £5m each”
“To each of my wonderful 10 grandchildren, I leave £1m each”
“And to Jonathan Cohen who wanted to be mentioned in my will, I say “hello Jonathan Cohen”