Jacob and John are walking to school one day and Jacob is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. “Where did you get that?” John asked “I got it last night for Chanukah,” said Jacob.
“What’s Chanukah?” John asked.
“It’s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights.”
“Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed.
The next day on the way to school John runs up to Jacob, curious to see what he got. He sees that Jacob is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John.
Jacob holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a magazine and tries to read. However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a ruckus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, “What’s going on in there?”
She replies, “It’s a partners’ meeting.”
“But why are they shouting at each other?” Maurice asks.
“It’s a high stakes battle of wits,” she replies.
Maurice asks: “Between who?”, and she answers, “Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits.”
A Rabbi is walking down the street in New York when he is shocked by a sign hanging in front of a building.
The sign reads, “WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 HAMAS TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE ISRAELI”
Enraged, the Rabbi walks up to the building to go inside and yell at the owners, but he is stopped by a smaller sign saying, “THE CHEVRA KADISHA (Hebrew Burial Society).”