Moishe asked Shmuel, “Was your wife outspoken?”
Shmuel said, “Not by anyone I know of.”
***
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
She says, “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow, push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Bubbie, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” the grandson asks.
The bubbie replies, “You’re coming empty handed?”
***
Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting and looking for a parking space but can’t find one. In desperation, he turns his face upwards and says, “Lord, if you find me a parking space, I promise that I’ll eat only Kosher and will respect Shabbat and all the holidays.”
Miraculously, a space opens up just in front of him. He turns his face back up and says, “Never mind, I just found one!”