On a windy day in New York City, a Hassidic rabbi’s fur hat flew off and was rescued by a man who returned it to the rabbi. The rabbi said, “Thank you, are you Jewish?”
“No,” said the man.
“Well,” said the rabbi, “I can’t bless you, but I see an afternoon of great wealth for you.”
The man thinks, “What can it be? I know—I can make the last four races at the horse track.”
He goes and looks at the programme and sees a horse named Top Hat in the next race.
“An omen,” he thinks, and bets $100 and wins. The next race has a horse named Stetson—again he bets it all and wins. The next race features a horse named Beret, and he naturally wins again. He bets it all on the next race and loses everything. He goes home and tells his wife the story.
“What horse did you bet on in the last race?” she asks.
He says, “Chateau—French for hat.”
“Idiot,” she says. “Chapeau is French for hat—by the way, who won the race?’
“I don’t know,” he says, “some Japanese horse called Yarmulka!”
An Israeli mayor in a small town is walking past a construction site with his wife. One of the construction workers stops and calls out to the woman.
“What’s new, Sara?”
“Why it’s nice to see you again Avi,” the woman replies.
She turns to introduce her husband to the construction worker, and they speak for several minutes. After the mayor and his wife continue on, he turns to his wife to ask how she knows him.
“Oh,” she said. “We went together in high school. I even thought about marrying him.”
The husband began to laugh. “You don’t realise how lucky you are. If I hadn’t come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!”
The wife replied without hesitation, “Not really. If I had married him, he’d now be a mayor!”
Three bubbies sitting on a park bench. The first one lets out a heartfelt “Oy!”
A few minutes later, the second bubbie sighs deeply and says “Oy vey!”
A few minutes after that, the third lady brushes away a tear and moans, “Oy veyizmir!”
To which the first bubbie replies: “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to talk about our children!”