Moskowitz had bought a parrot and one morning found the bird at the eastern side of the cage, with a small prayer shawl over its head, rocking to and fro and mumbling. Bending low to listen, Moskowitz was thunderstruck to discover the parrot was intoning prayers in the finest Hebrew.
“You’re Jewish?” asked Moskowitz.
“Not only Jewish,” said the parrot, “but Orthodox. So will you take me to the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah?”
Moskowitz said, “Of course I’ll take you, but can I tell my friends about you? This isn’t a secret is it?”
“No secret at all. Tell anyone you want to,” said the parrot, who then returned to his praying.
Moskowitz went to all his friends to tell them about his Jewish parrot. Of course no one believed him and in no time at all Moskowitz was taking bets. By Rosh Hashanah he had $1,000 in bets riding on the parrot.
Grinning, Moskowitz brought the parrot to the synagogue in its cage. He put him in a prominent place and everyone turned to watch the parrot do his prayers. Even the rabbi watched, as he had $7 that said the parrot would not pray.
Moskowitz waited. Everyone waited. The parrot did not pray.
Moskowitz put the prayer shawl over the parrot’s head, but the bird ducked and shawl fell off.
After the services, all of Moskowitz’s friends laughed and collected their money. Utterly humiliated, Moskowitz returned home, turned viciously on the bird, screaming, “Prepare to die you little monster, for I’m going to wring your neck! If you can pray, now’s the time!”
The parrot’s voice rang out clear, “Hold it, you idiot. In 10 days it’s Yom Kippur when all the Jews will sing the tragic, haunting Kol Nidre. Why don’t you bet everyone that I can sing Kol Nidre.”
“Why? You didn’t do anything today!” “Exactly,” replied the bird. “So for Yom Kippur, just think of the odds you’ll get!”
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.
The barber says, “Father, you’re a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn’t charge you, it’s on the house.”
The priest says, “Thank you very much” and leaves.
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.
A few days later, a minister goes in for a shave and a shine, and when the time comes to pay the barber says, “No money, please, you’re a spiritual leader, a man of the cloth. It’s on the house.”
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep are 12 rubies.
The following week a rabbi comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, “No, rabbi, you are a learned man, a wise man. I can’t take any money from you. Go in peace.”
And the next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 rabbis.
A rabbi, a minister and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, “Father Murphy, were you gambling?”
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, “L*rd, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then said, “No, officer; I was not gambling.”
The officer then asked the minister, “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?”
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, “No, officer; I was not gambling.”
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?”
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, “With whom?”