Jewlarious Jokes 1/28/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
 
A group of elderly Jewish men meets every Wednesday in Starbucks for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative. 
One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.” 
Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up. 
But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Moishe, “Hold on a minute if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?” 
Moishe replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”
 
***
Roberto is a New York art connoisseur and one day, he’s walking in Brooklyn and notices a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer in front of a restaurant called Moishe’s Deli. He quickly realizes with a shock that the saucer was a very rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered $10 for the cat.
 
“It’s not for sale,” said Moishe.
 
“Look,” said Roberto, “that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I’m eccentric. I like cats that way. I’ll raise my offer to $50.”
 
“It’s a deal,” said Moishe, and pocketed the money.
 
“For that sum I’m sure you won’t mind throwing in the saucer,” said Roberto. “The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.”
 
“Nothing doing,” said Moishe firmly. “That’s my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I’ve sold 34 cats.” 
 
***
A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, “God, what is a million years to you?”
God replies, “My son, a million years to you is like a second to me.”
The man asks, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”
God replies, “My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me.”
The man asks, “So God, can I have a million dollars?”
And God replies, “In a second.”