Jewlarious Jokes 1/21/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
Jewlarious Jokes:
Shlomo, driving a Yugo in Tel Aviv, pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce, rolls down his window, and smiles at the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Have you got a phone in it? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
David, the driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes, I have a phone.”
“Cool!” continues Shlomo. “Have you got a fridge in there, too? I got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”
David, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
Shlomo goes on, “That’s great! Listen, have you got a TV in there? I got one right next to me.”
David, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
“Say,” persists Shlomo, “Have you got a bed in your car? I got one in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he hadn’t, David immediately drove off straight to his dealer and demanded that a bed be installed in the back of the car. The next morning David picked up his car, with a superb bed in it, a bed fit for a Rolls Royce…
David immediately went searching for the Yugo, and only late in the afternoon he found it parked, with all its windows fogged up from the inside.
He knocked on the Yugo, and finally, Shlomo stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” David stated arrogantly.
“No way!” complained Shlomo, “You got me out of the shower to tell me this?”
Jack goes to see his old friend Joseph who’s a greengrocer. Jack says to Joseph “Joseph, I’ve known you a long time, can I please borrow £5000, I’m in a bit of a predicament” Joseph leads Jack by the hand to the corner of the street and points to a building over the road and says, “Jack, can you read that” to which Jack replies “yes of course, it says Barclays Bank” to which Joseph then says, “You see Jack, Barclays Bank and I have an agreement, they won’t sell fruit and vegetables, as long as I don’t lend money”
It was mealtime during a flight on El Al.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.
“What are my choices?” Moishe asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.