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Request for Proposal FY2021 NSGP R0428

Bid Number: 2021 – Security- R0368
Bid Title: Security Enhancements
Category: Chabad Lubavitch of Juno Beach & Singer Island Inc.
Status: Closed

 

Description:
The Chabad Lubavitch of Juno Beach & Singer Island Inc. a Florida Non for profit Corporation located in Palm Beach County, Florida, is accepting proposals for Security Enhancements, Security Lighting, Security fencing, Wired,  Impact Windows & Doors until 2:15 P.M. EST on September 30, 2022, at the Chabad Lubavitch of Juno Beach & Singer Island Inc. 844 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408. Proposals received after the aforementioned date and time will be returned unopened.

 

The complete Request for Proposals, including all specifications and proposal forms, may be obtained by bona fide proposers upon application at the Chabad Lubavitch of Juno Beach & Singer Island Inc., 844Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408,  or emailed to leibezagui@gmail.com

 

Sealed proposal envelopes should be marked “RFP for Security Enhancements, Security doors, Security fencing, & Impact Windows” The Non Profit shall evaluate the proposals in accordance with the criteria set forth in the RFP. The Non Profit anticipates an award to the proposer with the proposal determined by the Non Profit to be most advantageous. The Non Profit may conduct interviews and/or require presentations as part of the evaluation process. The Non-Profit shall not be liable for any costs incurred by any proposer in connection with its response to this RFP. The Non-Profit reserves the right to reject all RFP submittals, to waive any formalities, to solicit and re-advertise for new RFP submittals, or to abandon the project in its entirety.

 

 

Jewish Community Synagogue

Leib Ezagui
leibezagui@gmail.com

Grant Manager

Publication Date/Time:
05/01/2022
Publication Information:
Website
Closing Date/Time:
09/30/2022 2:15 PM
Contact Person:
Leib Ezagui

leibezagui@gmail.com

 

...

Request for Proposal FY2021 NSGP R0368

Bid Number: 2021 – Security- R0368
Bid Title: Security Enhancements
Category: Chabad Prosperity Rehab Corp
Status: Closed

 

Description:
The Chabad Prosperity Rehab Corp, a Florida Non for profit Corporation located in Palm Beach County, Florida, is accepting proposals for Security Enhancements, Security Lighting, Security fencing, Wired,  Impact Windows & Doors until 2:15 P.M. EST on September 30, 2022, at the Chabad Rehab  Prosperity Corp, 800 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408. Proposals received after the aforementioned date and time will be returned unopened.

 

The complete Request for Proposals, including all specifications and proposal forms, may be obtained by bona fide proposers upon application at the Chabad Prosperity Rehab Corp, 800 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408,  or emailed to chabad.800@gmail.com

 

Sealed proposal envelopes should be marked “RFP for Security Enhancements, Security doors, Security fencing, & Impact Windows” The Non Profit shall evaluate the proposals in accordance with the criteria set forth in the RFP. The Non Profit anticipates an award to the proposer with the proposal determined by the Non Profit to be most advantageous. The Non Profit may conduct interviews and/or require presentations as part of the evaluation process. The Non-Profit shall not be liable for any costs incurred by any proposer in connection with its response to this RFP. The Non-Profit reserves the right to reject all RFP submittals, to waive any formalities, to solicit and re-advertise for new RFP submittals, or to abandon the project in its entirety.

 

 

Jewish Community Synagogue

Leib Ezagui
chabad.800@gmail.com

Grant Manager

Publication Date/Time:
05/01/2022
Publication Information:
Website
Closing Date/Time:
09/30/2022 2:15 PM
Contact Person:
Leib Ezagui

chabad.800@gmail.com

 

...

Request for Proposal FY2020 NSGP R0257

Bid Number: 2020 – Security- R0257
Bid Title: Security Enhancements
Category: Chabad Prosperity Corp
Status: Closed

 

Description:
The Chabad Prosperity Corp, a Florida Non for profit Corporation located in Palm Beach County, Florida, is accepting proposals for Security Enhancements, Security Lighting, Security fencing, Wired audible alarms, Security Video Systems, & Impact Windows until 2:15 P.M. EST on September 30, 2022, at the Chabad Prosperity Corp, 940 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408. Proposals received after the aforementioned date and time will be returned unopened.

 

The complete Request for Proposals, including all specifications and proposal forms, may be obtained by bona fide proposers upon application at the Chabad Prosperity Corp, 940 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408,  or emailed to chabad.940@gmail.com

 

Sealed proposal envelopes should be marked “RFP for Security Enhancements, Security doors, Security fencing, & Impact Windows” The Non Profit shall evaluate the proposals in accordance with the criteria set forth in the RFP. The Non Profit anticipates an award to the proposer with the proposal determined by the Non Profit to be most advantageous. The Non Profit may conduct interviews and/or require presentations as part of the evaluation process. The Non-Profit shall not be liable for any costs incurred by any proposer in connection with its response to this RFP. The Non-Profit reserves the right to reject all RFP submittals, to waive any formalities, to solicit and re-advertise for new RFP submittals, or to abandon the project in its entirety.

 

 

Jewish Community Synagogue

Leib Ezagui
chabad.940@gmail.com

Grant Manager

Publication Date/Time:
05/01/2022
Publication Information:
Website
Closing Date/Time:
09/30/2022 2:15 PM
Contact Person:
Leib Ezagui

chabad.940@gmail.com

 

...

Request for Proposal FY2020 NSGP R0343

Bid Number: 2020 – Security
Bid Title: Security Enhancements
Category: Jewish Community Synagogue Bids
Status: Closed

 

Description:
The Jewish Community Synagogue, a Florida Non for profit Corporation located in Palm Beach County, Florida, is accepting proposals for Security Enhancements, Security doors, Security fencing, & Impact Windows until 2:15 P.M. EST on September 30, 2022, at the Jewish Community Synagogue, 844 Prosperity Farms RdNorth Palm Beach, FL 33408. Proposals received after the aforementioned date and time will be returned unopened.

 

The complete Request for Proposals, including all specifications and proposal forms, may be obtained by bona fide proposers upon application at the Jewish Community Synagogue, 844 Prosperity Farms Rd North Palm Beach, FL 33408,  or emailed to info@jewishcommunitysynagogue.com

 

Sealed proposal envelopes should be marked “RFP for Security Enhancements, Security doors, Security fencing, & Impact Windows” The Non Profit shall evaluate the proposals in accordance with the criteria set forth in the RFP. The Non Profit anticipates an award to the proposer with the proposal determined by the Non Profit to be most advantageous. The Non Profit may conduct interviews and/or require presentations as part of the evaluation process. The Non-Profit shall not be liable for any costs incurred by any proposer in connection with its response to this RFP. The Non-Profit reserves the right to reject all RFP submittals, to waive any formalities, to solicit and re-advertise for new RFP submittals, or to abandon the project in its entirety.

 

 

Jewish Community Synagogue

Leib Ezagui

Grant Manager

Publication Date/Time:
05/01/2022
Publication Information:
Website
Closing Date/Time:
09/30/2022 2:15 PM
Contact Person:
Leib Ezagui

Leib@jewishcommunitysynagogue.com

 

 

...

No Title

Kol Nidrei in the Woods in Front of 3 Red Army Officers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During the Second World War, Zalman Bronstein was drafted into the Russian Red Army and assigned to guard duty in a ditch close to the
German camp. At the end of his shift, he would rest in a bunker that afforded little protection from the Germans, but at least shielded him
from the elements.

After one such shift, a general uncharacteristically entered Zalman’s
bunker. The general began to shave there while singing a Russian folk
song, wholly off-tune.
Zalman, who was musically attuned and exhausted after his shift, was
irritated by the intrusion. “Dear General,” he said. “It is such a nice
song but you are doing it no justice…”
Surprised by Zalman’s frank remark, the general instructed Zalman to
sing the song for him instead. Zalman tried brushing off the request
but the general insisted. Zalman then sang it, leading the general to
comment, “With such a voice, it doesn’t make sense that you are here
on the frontlines. We must transfer you!”
Two days later, while lying in a ditch alongside seventeen soldiers, a
radio message came through, “Singer Bronstein, to the command
center!”

The base was not far from the Germans, and they often picked up each
other’s radio communications. Thus, Zalman knew it was possible he
would be targeted while leaving the ditch. He crawled on the ground,
gun in hand, for half a mile, until the base was in sight.
Covered in mud, he arrived at the command center where a soldier was
waiting for him. He was brought to the general, who smiled at him
warmly and asked, “You haven’t lost your voice since we last saw each
other?” Zalman was then told that he had been inducted into the
official choir of the Red Army.

Zalman joined the large choir alongside forty musicians, soloists and
directors. “I had no interest in music or singing,” he later said, “but
this gave me a chance at surviving the war.”
The first concert he performed was at the Generals’ Club, where he
sang that same Russian folk song that had landed him this position.
After the concert, the musical director pointed out to Zalman that the
generals were arguing over who would claim him for their unit.
It was the first of many concerts performed across the Soviet Union. As
the choir moved through countless towns and cities, he saw the war’s
devastation first-hand. Zalman was a popular soloist, despite being
emotionally detached from his singing.
On one occasion, a concert was scheduled for Yom Kippur, and while
the choir prepared for the event, Zalman knew that he would not
participate. On the morning of the performance, he informed the
musical director that he was unwell and could not perform. The
director tried persuading him, but Zalman was adamant that he would
not join the troupe.
While the choir sang on stage, Zalman remained in his bunk and
prayed as much as he could from memory. As his strength waned
toward the end of the fast, someone knocked at the door. Three high-ranking officers stood in the doorway, and Zalman leaped up to salute
them. He feared that he had been caught in a lie. When asked if he was
Singer Bronstein, he responded affirmatively.
The three sat on a bed and were quiet for a while, until one asked, “Do
you know what today is?”
Zalman responded that he did.

“We came to you,” the commander continued, “because we are Jewish,
and we want to hear a song by which we can remember the holy day as
it was in our parents’ synagogues.”
Zalman explained that he had been given sick leave, and if anyone
heard him singing, he could be punished for his deceit.
The officers suggested going into the forest and singing there. Seeing
that they were emotional and had no ill intentions, Zalman agreed.
They went into the forest, where he sang Kol Nidrei and Unesaneh
Tokef. As the sun set, he sang the words of Shema and Hashem Hu
Ha’elokim, traditionally recited as Yom Kippur ends.
“I felt the words of prayer entering their hearts,” Zalman later said
about those Jews who were only superficially disconnected from their
roots. “Their inner Jewish spark was still alive and revealed.”

...

Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur at JCS

Is it your first time at JCS for the Holidays? Here are some of the Basics?

Tickets

  1. At JCS everyone is welcome. Tickets are encouraged for security purposes. If you do not have a ticket simply call or txt the office at (561) 624-7004. No one will be turned away 

Parking

  1. If the parking lot is full you can park in the empty lot located behind the synagogue at 837 Westwind Dr, North Palm Beach, FL 33408 when parking along the street please be mindful of the neighbors and the people living around the Shul
  2. Enter the synagogue from the East side entrance under the canopy

Synagogue

  1. Throughout the services feel free to come and go as you please. 
  2. Make yourself comfortable wherever you would like. We do not have assigned seating. 
  3. When coming in and out of the Sanctuary please do so quietly. Don’t forget to leave your cell phone at home.
  4. In the back of the synagogue, there is coffee, soda, water, and snacks. At any time feel free to grab a snack or drink and go outside or downstairs.
  5. During the Holidays we do not use the regular blue Prayer book. Instead, we use the red Machzor. We will have them set out on the table when you walk in. Men are encouraged to bring their Tallis. If you do not have one, the synagogue will have one for you.
  6. During the Holidays we raffle off the honors to the highest bidder and the proceeds are given to charity
  7. Children’s Programs are downstairs.
  8. Children are welcome and encouraged to join the services upstairs 
  9. Scroll Below to see a detailed schedule.

Security

  1. The North Palm Beach Police Department will provide a police car and security throughout the Holidays. Additionally, we have formed our own group in charge of JCS security and special security measures have been put in place to keep everyone safe during the Holidays. If you would like to be part of the security members please call or text Rabbi Leib at (561) 596-0530

Yom Kippur Schedule:

October 4th, 2022:
2:00 pm: Mincha
6:45 pm: Candle Lighting/Fast begins
7:00 pm: Meditation and Kol Nidrei 

October 5th, 2022:
10:00 am: Morning Service
11:00am – 1:00pm Children’s Service
12:30pm: Meditation and Yizkor
2:30pm: Conclusion of Morning Service
– BREAK –
5:30pm: Mincha
6:30pm: Neilah
7:37pm: Shofar/Fast ends,
7:45pm: followed by some well-deserved refreshments

JCA KIDS
Available throughout Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur Services. JCA will provide holiday-appropriate crafts, games, and activities so you can properly enjoy the services.  Jewish Community Synagogue844 Prosperity Farms Road
North Palm Beach, Fl, 33408 Jewishcomunitysynagogue.com(561)-624-7004

 

 

...

Jewlarious Jokes 7/15/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
A rabbi is harboring a secret — he has always wanted to try pork. One night he drives across town to the furthest restaurant from his shul and orders an entire suckling pig. Just as the waiter sets down the full roast pig with an apple in its mouth, he sees a group of his congregants has walked in and is watching him, mouths open. The rabbi widens his eyes, “So nu, what kind of place is this?” he says. “You order an apple and look how it’s served!”
***
A Jewish grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. They’re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. “Oh God, please bring him back! Please let him live!” Suddenly, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scoops him up into a hug. Then he stares up at the sky and says, “He had a hat.”
***

A yeshiva decides to start a crew team. But no matter how much they practice, they lose every single race. Eventually they decide to send one boy down to the nearby prep school as a spy, to watch their winning crew team and find out what their secret is. After a day of reconnaissance, the boy comes back. “Listen!” he tells his teammates. “I learned how they do it — they have eight guys rowing, and only one guy screaming!”

 

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MARRIED VS. SINGLE

THE PASSIONATE ANTI-SEMITE

When we want to say that two people are very different, we commonly say that they are “like fire and water.” In this week’s portion, we read about two people who, on one hand are very similar but on the other hand, are completely different, like fire and water.  

We read about a man named Bil’am who was a prophet for the gentile nations, the only such prophet ever to arise. 

He received messengers from Balak, King of Moav, telling him to go curse the Jews. Bil’am told them to stay the night and he would give them his answer in the morning. That night, G-d came to Bil’am and told him, “Do not go with them. You shall not curse these people for they are blessed.” In the morning, he sent his refusal. 

Then, new messengers come and again he tells them to stay the night to hear what G-d tells him. That night, G-d says to him, “If you want to go, go, but only what I tell you, shall you do.” 

Bil’am awoke in the morning, very happy to go curse the Jews. Along the way, he encounters all kinds of obstacles and he knows with certainty that they are from G-d, but his hate for the Jews was so great that he ignores them and continues on his way. In the end, not only did he not succeed in cursing the Jews, but the blessings that he gave were so lofty and warm that they are now the prayer of “Mah tovu”, “How good are your tents, Jacob, and your dwelling places, Israel!” 

Who was Bil’am and what was his strength? 

THE EQUIVALENT TO MOSES

At the end of the book of Bamidbar, the Torah tells of Moshe’s passing and says, 

“There never arose amongst the Jews a prophet like Moshe.” The sages say, “Among the Jews, there was never a prophet like Moshe but for the nations of the world there was. Who was this prophet like Moshe? Bil’am ben Beor.” 

The Torah is telling us that Bil’am was a prophet in the same category as Moshe! This is astounding. None of the prophets in all the history of the Jews ever reached Moshe’s greatness yet Bil’am does? 

This begs a question. How is it that someone on Moshe’s spiritual plane would want to curse the Jews? How could he want to curse anyone, let alone the Jews? Bil’am himself testifies to the great miracles that happened to them during their exodus from Egypt, when he says “Here is the nation that went out of Egypt.” Even a regular guy would have known that G-d loves the Jews, so how did Bil’am come to such a low? After receiving a clear message from G-d that he would not be able to curse them, he still tries to force G-d to permit him to curse them! How could a prophet want to go against G-d’s wishes? 

There is a story that happened to Bil’am that also happened to Moshe. In this parsha we read that Bil’am arose early in the morning, saddled his donkey and went on his way. Then “The donkey saw an angel of G-d standing in the path with a sword drawn in his hand and the donkey turned off the path.” Bil’am became very angry with the donkey and hit it three times. Then “Bil’am’s eyes were opened and he saw the angel standing in the path with a sword drawn.” 

In this situation, anyone, even someone not on Bil’am’s level, would understand that G-d does not want him to go. The angel even says to him “Had the donkey not turned aside before me, I would also have killed you.” Despite this, Bil’am refuses to hear the message and continues going. 

With Moshe we find a similar story: When Moshe begins his journey to Egypt to free the Jews, we read in Shemos “Moshe took his wife and two children and put them on the donkey…..and it was on the way at the inn that he met G-d who wished to kill him.” Rashi explains that an angel came to punish him “because he did not circumcise his son, Eliezer.” 

So, Moshe too met up with an angel wishing to kill him while he was on a donkey. But there the similarities end. Moshe’s wife, Tzipporah, understood immediately what was going on. She “took a sharp stone and cut off her son’s foreskin” thereby saving her husband’s life. 

So what is the difference between Bil’am and Moshe? Simple. Moshe had a wife to stop him from making a mistake while Bil’am did not! Moshe was married; while with Bil’am, the Torah never references a wife. (In fact the Gemara says that Bil’am had a relationship with his donkey.) 

BE MARRIED

What is the difference between a married person and a single person? There are people who are with their partner for many years yet have no interest in getting married. What deters them? Married life truly is a big commitment. You can no longer do whatever you want; you now have to do whatever she wants. Before marriage, you were free to do anything in the world, without any responsibilities, and this relationship was just to make you feel good and happy. One simple way to put it is that before marriage there was only love, now there is some fear mixed in. A fear of doing something against her will. In other words, you now have to respect her wishes. 

In our relationship with G-d, there are two models: Moshe was ‘married’ to G-d and therefore, in addition to the great love that Moshe had for G-d, there was also a fear of G-d. Therefore, he did what G-d wanted. Bil’am, on the other hand, was not married to G-d and therefore was not obligated in any way. He wasn’t in a committed relationship. He used his relationship with G-d only for his own good and benefit, trying to force G-d to do what he wanted. 

Why did Bil’am try to curse the Jews? A person who has only love and no fear, can reach a point where he will do something against G-d’s will. 

In our personal lives this is true, too. When a person has only love for G-d, that love can drive him to do a mitzvah even when doing so at the wrong time would be going against G-d’s will. For example: A person with great love for the mitzvah of shofar might go so far as to blow it even when Rosh Hashanah falls out on Shabbos; he simply can’t hold back. Or a woman who wasn’t able to light Shabbos candles before sunset on Friday evening, out of her great love for the mitzvah might light them even though it’s too late, because she has no fear of G-d. 

But married life teaches us to do not what we want, but to do what is right.

...

Are There Real Atheists in Israel?

Are There Real Atheists in Israel?

A lesson from the Parsha

 

About a year ago, Israeli news reported that Meretz, a left-wing party, had submitted legislation to criminalize the act of encouraging a minor to become religiously observant. It was immediately interpreted as an attempt to stop Chabad Rabbis from offering minors (although over Bar Mitzvah) to put on Tefillin, as they commonly do.
 
The new law obviously raised a ruckus. Leaders, celebrities and politicians came out criticizing the notion, lamenting the fact that there could be an attempt in the Jewish state to stop teenagers from wearing Tefillin — lest they become too religious. People were demonstrating in front of the Knesset members house – purposely putting on Tefillin as a way of solidarity. All over the news, people were publicly putting on Tefilin; TV anchors, talk show hosts, all over Facebook etc.
  
Two days after the news broke, the Knesset Member who had submitted the legislation posted a picture of her husband wearing Tallis and Tefillin. That picture drew attention; if her own husband wore Tefillin, it was unlikely that she would propose a law against it. When looking a little deeper into the subject, it was discovered that the entire crisis was ‘fake news.’ 
 
She never intended to outlaw the Tefillin campaign. Rather, the Meretz faction has a custom that whenever a new Knesset is inaugurated, they submit all the legislation of their faction which was rejected in previous Knessets. This time, she submitted fourteen hundred bills. Among them was a bill from 2005 which would criminalize the act of convincing a minor to become a full-fledged “Baal Teshuvah”. Needless to say, the Tefillin Campaign and Chabad weren’t mentioned at all.  
 
Moreover, this specific Knesset Member — who received all the ‘heat’ over the issue — was not the one who had written the bill; she had no interest in pursuing the matter. 
Her husband was interviewed on Israeli television. He explained that the law did not outlaw Tefillin at all; in fact, he personally wears Tefillin every day and identifies as a very traditional person. His wife, a member of the Meretz party is very respectful of his choices. Although she identifies as an atheist, out of respect for her husband she lights Shabbos candles each week and they make kiddush and hold a Shabbat dinner with their family. The entire story was fake news. 
 
When the new government was established, people were asking how a Prime Minister with a kippah would get along with left-leaning atheists. But since we’ve learned that these “atheists” light Shabbos candles, make kiddush and their husbands put on Tefillin each morning, we know that there is something very spiritual and very genuine that bonds the Jewish people in Israel together.  
Most Israelis are not religious. But in America, you don’t need to be religious to celebrate Chanukah or a Passover Seder. The same is true about Tefillin. You don’t need to be religious. The Rebbe transformed Tefillin into a classic Jewish symbol; just as it’s normal for a Jew to wear a “Chai” or star-of-David necklace, it’s normal for a Jew to lay Tefillin.
 
 
In Israel, the seat of the Prime Minister is dubbed, “the electric chair,” because Israeli leaders are under constant pressure about the Prime Minister’s abilities.
 
During their forty years in the desert, there were two occasions when the Israelites sang a special song of thanksgiving to G-d. The first, famously, was when they crossed the sea. The second, much lesser-known song, appears in this week’s reading. It is called “the song of the well.” The first song was recited right at the beginning of their sojourn in the desert, and this song was recited at its very end. The first one was sung after crossing through water, and this song is related to water as well. Here, the Israelites thank G-d for giving them the well of Miriam which provided them with fresh drinking water throughout the forty years in the desert. 
 
When you compare the two songs, you discover something interesting. The Song of the Sea begins with the words, “So sang Moshe and the People of Israel.” This song, however, begins with “So sang the People of Israel.” It is quite bizarre; why does Moshe not appear in the song? After all, he was still alive!
 
When it was time to sing the Song of the Sea, Moshe did not have the People of Israel recite it on their own. Like a teacher reciting with his students, Moses said it together with them…after forty years, they ‘graduated’; they began to sing the song on their own. They said, ‘G-d, Your task is to do miracles and our task is to sing praise to You.'”
 
The Midrash separates the two songs: At the Song of the Sea, the People of Israel were like children; Moses needed to recite the song with them. But at the Song of the Well, the people had matured. They were already ‘old enough’ to do it on their own, without the guidance of Moshe.
 
But when you compare the two songs, you’ll notice that the Song of the Well pales in comparison to the Song of the Sea. The Song of the Well is just a few short verses, compared to the extensive delivery at the Song of the Sea. Which is better? The Song of the Sea, composed by Moshe — the greatest prophet of all time, or the Song of the Well, composed by the People of Israel?
 
The answer is found in this song’s opening verse: “Ali bi’er, enu lah, come up, O well, call out to it.” The Jewish people are like a well. The soul of a person is like a wellspring of water. Here, G-d calls out to the Jewish people, “Come up, well,” make your own personal effort to sing to G-d. It’s alright if your song is a short one because G-d wants it to be yours. A song written by Moses is nice, but a song of the people is the most precious of all. 
 
A leader might seem irreplaceable, but this week’s Parsha reminds us: It’s all about the people.
...

Jewlarious Jokes 7/8/22

Jewlarious Jokes:

To begin Shabbat with a laugh
 
A Russian military officer is out for a ride and comes to a shtetl. He sees a barn. One side is covered with targets. In the center of each target is one bullet hole. Never in his life has he seen such perfect marksmanship. He notices an old Jewish man weeding a vegetable patch nearby. “I am the best marksmen I have every met and get first prize in each contest I enter. But this is the best I have ever seen. Who is the marksman?” “The old man shyly says that he fired all the bullets. “But how could you be so accurate?” The old Jew says, “First I fired the bullets, then I painted the targets.” 
 
***
 
It’s 10pm when the phone rings in Dr. Stein’s house. “It’s Dr. Gold,” says his wife, passing him the phone, “I do hope it’s not another emergency.”
Dr. Stein takes the phone and says, “Hi, what’s up?”
“Don’t worry, everything’s OK,” replies Dr. Gold. “It’s just that I’m at home with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Kosiner. We’re having a little game of poker and we’re short of one hand so we thought you might like to come over and join us?”
“Sure …. yes, of course,” replies Dr. Stein, putting on a serious voice, “I’m leaving right now.” And he puts down the phone.
“What’s happened?” his wife asks, with a worried look.
“It’s very serious,” Dr. Stein replies. “They’ve already called three doctors.”
 
***
 
Someone stole Marvin’s coat at a restaurant.
He asked the waiter, “Did you see the guy who took my coat?”
“Yes, Sir,” he replied.
“What did he look like?”
“Ridiculous,” the waiter stated. “The sleeves were far too short.”